Angel
by Ravenheart3
Summary: Rodney finds himself in an Atlantis where he’s dead. He’s even more surprised when Elizabeth is alive and well and had been in a relationship with that world’s Rodney McKay. McWeir, McKeller
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

"Well, that was a waste of time," Rodney said, sitting in the row boat, his arms folded across his chest.

He glared out at the shore a few yards up ahead. Sheppard sat across from him, rowing. He caught Sheppard rolling his eyes and his mood soured more.

"You could help me row, McKay," Sheppard said.

"It's a river," he said. "There's not that much water between the shore we just left and the one we're heading toward. You don't need my help."

"You're really pushing it," Sheppard growled. "I'm about to toss you into the water."

"Oh, I'm shaking in my shoes," Rodney retorted, rolling his eyes. He looked toward his left and spotted Teyla and Ronon rowing pass them. Ronon rowed as if the Wraith were after them.

"Will you shut up and help me row?"

Rodney cast his gaze to the cloudy sky and crawled over to sit beside Sheppard. He took one of the oars from Sheppard and started rowing.

"See? We're catching up to Ronon."

"I didn't know this was a race," Rodney said. "I suppose we're going to run across the field to the gate once we reach the shore?"

"You're really in a terrible mood."

"You think? We were told there were wonderful opportunities for more allies on this stupid planet, but when we get here, everyone's gone. All they left were their boats."

"Maybe they decided to settle somewhere else."

Rodney narrowed his eyes and glared at Sheppard from the corner of his eye. "We're going back for a jumper, aren't we?"

"Yep. I'm not walking half-way across the planet."

"You could have told me."

"And deprive you of an occasion to complain?" Sheppard asked, humor in his voice.

Rodney shook his head and sighed. He focused the rest of his energy on rowing the dinghy. If it was the last thing he did today, he was going to make Sheppard pay for this entire waste of a day.

_I could be running some tests or experiments. Instead, I'm here rowing an idiotic boat. _

They slid onto the shore. Rodney jumped out of the rowboat and trudged through the field of yellow flowers toward the gate. It shone like a beacon in a world of fog and he picked up his pace. He caught up with Sheppard and kept pace with him.

"Dial the gate, Ronon," Sheppard shouted when the Satedan reached the DHD. He then smiled at Rodney. "Don't get too excited. We're heading for the jumper bay once we get back."

"Thanks for the reminder. Why don't you ruin the rest of my day?"

"I'm saving that for tomorrow."

Rodney rolled his eyes, fighting back the urge to knock the man on his butt. At least it wasn't blistering hot here. A nice warm breeze caused the field of flowers to wave, sending a sweet fragrance outward. His nose tingled with the sensation for the need to sneeze. He rubbed his nose while the gate activated.

The water rushed forward then drew back inside itself, leaving a blue horizon.

"Let's go!" Sheppard said, heading toward the gate.

"And right back here again," Rodney grumbled, following the group toward the gate.

Before he was able to step inside, the gate shut down. He stared in shock at the field on the other side of the ring. He blinked and backed away.

"What the hell? Why did it do that?"

Shaking his head, he went back to the DHD and dialed the address. The gate reactivated and the water shot out again. Sighing in frustration, Rodney stomped toward the horizon.

"Let's see if it stays open."

To his relief, it held and he stepped through.

~*~

Rodney came through the gate and was immediately greeted with guns pointed at him. He stared in surprise, his hands raised in submission. The Stargate shut down behind him and he stared at the people before him. People who should know who he was.

"What is this? Is this some kind of joke? Where's Sheppard?"

"I'm right here."

Sheppard came down the steps from the control area and toward him. Relief flooded Rodney and he lowered his hands and smiled.

"Oh, thank God. You really had me going." He stepped forward, but the Marines stepped closer to him, sending his pulse racing. "What the hell is going on?"

Sheppard stopped in front of him. "Who are you?"

Rodney blinked, struck speechless. "Did I step into the Twilight Zone? I'm Dr. Rodney McKay, chief scientist of Atlantis."

Sheppard glanced up at the balcony over looking the gate room. Rodney followed the gaze and saw a figure in red leave the area. He narrowed his eyes and turned back to the Colonel.

"Ok, joke's over," he said, making a move to walk through the crowd. "If we're not going back to the planet, I have some tests and experiments to get started."

Sheppard placed a hand on his chest, stopping him from stepping any further. He glared at the man and shoved the hand away.

"You're not going anywhere," Sheppard said, eyes narrowed. "We've been tricked by the Replicators before."

His eyes widened in surprise and anger. "Replicators? I'm not a Replicator! We've taken care of them. They're gone."

"We'll see about that. Take him to the infirmary."

The guns were shoved in his face and he was pushed in the direction of the stairs leading out of the room. He tried to get a glimpse of who the person in red was, but he was propelled forward. Grumbling, he picked up his pace and headed down the stairs.

"You're making a mistake," he said, anger building. "I don't know what the hell is going on, but this isn't funny."

"This isn't a joke," Sheppard said. "We're not taking any chances."

"I just stepped through the gate," Rodney bit out. "We were getting back from a mission and the gate shut down before I could step through."

"Save it," Sheppard said, nudging him forward. "I'm not buying it."

"It's the truth," he growled. "I stepped right into an alternate reality, didn't I?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Shut up and keep moving."

Rodney glared askance at the man walking beside him. It looked like Sheppard, even sounded like him, but something was wrong. Everyone so far acted like he wasn't who he said he was. What the hell happened?

"I can take it from here," Sheppard said, bringing him out of his thoughts. He grabbed hold of Rodney's arm and led him down the hall as if he had no idea where the infirmary was.

Rodney looked up and the others separated and went in opposite directions.

"Really, you can stop with the joke," he whispered to the Colonel. "You know me, John. I'm not a Replicator."

"Only one way to find out," Sheppard said without looking at him. "We'll let Dr. Keller tell us whether you're who you say you are."

"Oh for crying out loud," Rodney growled, trying to yank his arm from Sheppard's grasp. "This is ridiculous!"

Sheppard jerked Rodney to a stop and turned him to face the Colonel. "You're coming to the infirmary and we're going to test you. Then we'll go from there. Right now, you're suspicious."

"Ask me something only you and I would know," Rodney snapped, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm not going anywhere until you do."

Sheppard opened his mouth then closed it. He pointed at Rodney, opened his mouth again, then closed it again. The man looked like a fish out of water. He smirked, but Sheppard narrowed his eyes.

"I'm not going to fall for that. Let's go."

Sheppard shoved him into motion again and Rodney stomped down the corridor. If it was the only way to convince Sheppard he was Rodney McKay, then he might as well let Jennifer test him.

Before he knew it, he strolled into the infirmary and saw Jennifer Keller tending to a patient. His heart skipped a beat at the sight of her. She was a friendly face in the maelstrom of uncertainty.

"Jennifer," Sheppard said, pulling Rodney toward the doctor. "I brought you a patient. This one needs to be tended to ASAP."

Jennifer turned and froze at the sight of him. She looked from him to Sheppard and back again.

"He's…He's," she stuttered.

"Yeah, but we want to make sure," Sheppard said, pushing Rodney toward the nearest bed. "He might be a Replicator. We don't know."

"Right," Jennifer said, putting her stethoscope around her neck. "Lay down under the scanner and we'll get started."

Rodney looked from Jennifer to Sheppard. Jennifer didn't recognize him at all. How the hell was that possible? They were in a relationship. How could she forget that?

_I really must be in an alternate reality if she doesn't even know who I am._

"On the bed," Sheppard said, pointing at the bed behind him.

Rodney rolled his eyes and hopped up on the bed. He rolled onto his back, sighing. He stared up at the ceiling, wondering why he was even putting up with this. If he was in another reality, he needed to get back and fast.

And where was _this_ world's Rodney? It explained why everyone thought he wasn't who he said he was.

"And if it turns out I'm not a Replicator?" Rodney asked as the scan slowly moved over him.

"One thing at a time," Sheppard said, leaning against a bed to his left. "First, the tests."

Rodney closed his eyes and tried to relax. The soft hum of the machine coaxed a sigh from him, soothed him.

"I'm not picking up anything," Jennifer said after awhile, confusion in her voice. "There aren't any nanites anywhere in him. He's completely human."

"I'm not completely convinced," Sheppard said. "Do a DNA test."

"All right," she said, her voice moving across the room. "But I think you're being paranoid."

"I'm being thorough."

Rodney sat up and watched while Jennifer brought out a syringe. She stepped toward him, smiling slightly.

"This might sting a little," she said, taking his left arm and pushing up his sleeve.

He kept his eyes on her face while she pressed the needle into his arm. He winced slightly at the pain and took calming breathes.

"All done," she said and pulled the needle out. She placed a cotton ball on the wound and folded his arm over it. "I'll let you know the results."

"I can tell you right now, it'll match," Rodney said, sliding off the bed. "I'm Dr. Rodney McKay."

"Right now, we can't take your word for it," Jennifer said, heading toward a table covered with several laptop computers. "Don't worry, we'll soon know if you're telling the truth or not."

"I _am_ telling the truth," Rodney growled, narrowing his eyes at her back. "Why can't you see that?"

"Because the Rodney McKay we know has been dead for three years."

Rodney spun around, his heart pounding in his chest. Elizabeth Weir stood before him and a world of emotions crashed through him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Rodney stared at Elizabeth not able to believe she really stood in front of him. Memories and thoughts flooded his mind and the urge to embrace her came over him. The only thing preventing him from hurrying toward her was what she said.

"What?"

Elizabeth stepped toward him, her green eyes tearing at his heart. He couldn't breathe. Was this a nightmare or a dream come true?

"Dr. Rodney McKay died three years ago," she repeated, her eyes roaming over him. "He crashed into the ocean and we couldn't get to him in time. He drowned."

His mind raced through his recollections to the moment when he was stuck under the ocean in a puddle jumper. Cold, wet and hallucinating and trying to figure out a way to escape and survive. He narrowed his eyes and shook his head.

"The whale," he said. "The sounds the whale made led you right to me."

Elizabeth shook her head, her eyes wet. "We realized that too late. When Sheppard and Zelenka were able to get the door open, the jumper was filled with water. They were barely able to make it back to their jumper when the water came crashing over them. Rodney…"

She turned from him and he wanted to reach out to her, but stopped. It wasn't like her to cry over someone. He knew she mourned each and every death, but he'd never seen her openly cry.

"We sent him back to his sister," Sheppard said, his voice subdued. "We attended the funeral and Radek took over as chief scientist. Elizabeth didn't want anyone else."

Rodney felt strange. He invaded this reality and brought back terrible memories. He cleared his throat, uneasiness washing over him. He turned and saw Jennifer staring at him. He offered her an awkward smile.

"You never got to meet him…me…him then."

Jennifer shook her head. "No. Dr. Weir showed me pictures of him…um…you when I arrived after Carson died. She talked very highly of Rodney…you..."

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and looked away sheepishly. It made her look adorable and his heart clenched. All kinds of uncomfortable poured over him.

"We did find a clone of Dr. Beckett," she continued, looking back at him. "He helps occasionally."

"Same here," he said, putting his hands behind his back. "Our Carson died, too, but we found a clone."

"You have a Dr. Keller?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes."

"We should let you get back to work," Sheppard said, grabbing Rodney's arm. "We need those results."

Rodney rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. "I am who I say I am, damn it."

"We'll let the tests decide that. Right now, you're going to be placed in your very own quarters."

"Why do I bother?" Rodney asked, shrugging his arm out of the other man's grasp. He looked to Elizabeth for help, but she only stared at him as if seeing him for the first time in a long time. He understood, knowing he felt the same way about her.

_I need to find a way to talk to her alone,_ he thought as Sheppard dragged him down the corridor.

"I always wondered what you'd be like if you'd lived," Sheppard said.

"Oh, so you believe me?"

"I didn't say that. I only said I've always wondered."

Rodney sighed and shook his head. What would it take to get these people to believe him? Course, he didn't blame them for not trusting him. He wouldn't trust himself either. How many duplicates of himself had he met and trusted?

_Only one. _

Course the only reason he didn't trust the first one was plain jealousy. This was completely different. He was dead and buried in this reality.

_I really don't want to think about it. _

"Here you are," Sheppard said and ran his hand over the door controls. The door slid open, revealing a Spartan room with only a bed up against the far wall under the window. He stared at the room then at Sheppard.

"You've got to be kidding me," he groused.

"Nope. You'll be staying here until we figure this out," Sheppard said and pushed him into the room.

"I need to talk to Elizabeth!" Rodney shouted as the door closed in his face.

He glared at the door, itching to open it and give the Colonel a piece of his mind. Instead, he grumbled and sat on the bed. He needed to play his cards right and not make a mess of things. They'd see soon enough he was who he said he was.

_All I need is patience. A lot of it. _

With nothing better to do and all his equipment in a lab he probably wasn't allowed to go into, he lay on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

~*~

Elizabeth stood in the briefing room, her mind in a whirl. She hadn't believed her eyes when she saw Rodney McKay alive and well in the infirmary. It had to be a dream. She remembered seeing his body, remembered Carson trying his best to bring the scientist back to life to no avail. She remembered the funeral and how her world came crashing down around her. She missed him so much. A day didn't go by when she didn't think about him.

"Elizabeth?" Teyla asked, her soft voice piercing her thoughts. "Are you all right?"

Elizabeth blinked and cleared her throat. She sat at the table in the center of the room and tried to compose herself. She took a deep calming breath and blinked the stinging tears from her eyes.

"As you may have heard, we have a visitor," she said, hoping her voice didn't waver like the rest of her.

"John told me," Teyla said. "Are we still waiting on the tests?"

"Yes." Elizabeth dropped her gaze to her hands folded before her. "He looks and acts just like Rodney."

"We should send him back," Ronon said, his voice gruff. "We shouldn't trust anything he does or says. He could be a Replicator or worse."

"Jennifer scanned him, he doesn't have any nanites," John replied, leaning back in his chair. "The DNA will tell us if he's really Rodney McKay."

"What if he is?" Teyla asked, leaning forward. "What then?"

"We send him back," Ronon repeated. "The people in his reality are probably worried about him."

"What if we can't send him back?" Teyla put in, staring at Ronon.

Ronon looked back at Teyla, his expression showing he didn't believe that for a moment.

"We'll cross that bridge when come to it," Elizabeth said, getting to her feet. "Right now, we'll wait for the results."

"He's not going to stay in those quarters," John said. "If he is McKay, he's going to head down to his lab out of boredom."

She sighed, knowing John was right. She'd bet he was down there now scaring the staff half to death. A small smile crossed her lips at the thought. She pushed it away before the others saw it.

"I'll talk to him," she said.

"Are you sure?" John asked, getting to his feet. "I know how much he meant to you."

She looked away, clearing her throat. It took all she had not to run. Even if he wasn't Rodney, she wanted him to stay. It was selfish, but how many people got a second chance?

"I'm all right," she said, looking at John. "Just another day in the Pegasus galaxy."

"You can say that again."

Elizabeth nodded and left the briefing room. She headed toward their visitor's quarters, her mind a flurry of what she wanted to say to him. She didn't know where to start. What did someone say in situations like this?

"Dr. Weir."

She turned to see Lorne heading toward her. She allowed him to catch up to her before continuing on her way.

"What is it?"

"I heard about our visitor," he said, walking in step with her. "I think we need to watch him. We don't know…"

"We're running DNA tests on him," she said. "He hasn't caused trouble so far. He's just as confused as we are."

"Maybe he's buying his time. Let me watch him."

"I appreciate your concern, but I don't think he's going to be a problem."

"You're too close to this," Lorne said, stepping in front of her. "You're not going to see who he really is. You're only going to see who you want to see."

Elizabeth stared at him and raised a hand to stop his words. "We're going to wait on the tests. If it turns out he is Rodney McKay…"

"You're not going to pick up where you left off," Lorne said, surprising her.

"Excuse me?"

"You don't know anything about this person," he said. "What if he's in a relationship with someone else in his reality? What if he's married?"

"I just want to talk to him," she said, her pulse racing. Did everyone know about her relationship with Rodney? No wonder they treated her as if she would break after the funeral. "You're welcome to come with me if you suspect him to attack me."

Lorne smiled. "I suspect you'll attack him."

She looked at him askance. "Talk. That's all."

"Right."

She shook her head and led the way to the room their visitor stayed. She wanted to call him Rodney, but she didn't want to get ahead of herself. She'd wait for the results. Her eyes and heart, though already knew he was Rodney.

She stood in front of the door, staring at it. She closed her eyes, blood rushing through her veins.

"You want me to open it?" Lorne asked, concern in his voice.

Elizabeth shook her head. "No. Just bracing myself."

"I'm right here."

She smiled and glanced at his P-90. "I don't think you'll need that."

He stared at his gun then smiled at her. "Can never be too careful."

She ran her hand over the controls and the door slid open. She stepped into the room and came to a sudden stop. Her heart leaped into her throat at the sight before her.

He lay on his back, one arm draped over his stomach, the other above his head. He looked still as death. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't move.

"Ma'am? Are you all right?"

Lorne moved around her and strode toward the form on the bed. He knelt down and checked for a pulse. An instant later, Rodney almost leapt from the bed.

"My God, those hands are cold!"

Getting to his feet, Rodney glared at Lorne, who aimed a gun at him. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. One minute he was sound asleep and the next a rude and freezing awakening. What happened to knocking?

"Put the gun down, Major," Elizabeth's voice caught his attention.

He looked at Elizabeth and his heart stopped. She stood before him, dressed in a red shirt and black slacks; she looked just as he remembered her. An ache formed, threatening to strangle him.

"I wanted to talk to you," she said, closing the gap between them. The heat from her body wrapped around him, warming him. He stared into her green eyes, all other thoughts leaving him.

"I'll wait outside." He barely heard Lorne. "Yell if he tries anything."

"I don't think that will be a problem," Elizabeth said, the door closing.

He wanted nothing more than to stare and bask in her nearness. He missed her so much, it hurt. To have her stand before him was a gift he didn't want to squander.

"What do you want to talk to me about?" Rodney asked, sitting on the bed.

She stepped away and memories of the hundreds of conversations they had formed in his mind. He'd give anything to have those conversations again.

"You know this is a shock to everyone," she said, turning to face him.

"I know, believe me," he said, getting to his feet. He didn't want to have this conversation sitting down. It put him off guard. "We've been in a similar situation in my reality with our Carson. Not to mention clones of ourselves."

She smiled and his heart soared. How he missed her smile.

"We haven't met our clones, but I understand what you're saying," she said.

"I know you have to treat this with the highest security. I'm willing to cooperate until I run out of patience."

"Which won't be too much longer," she said, laughing.

A shiver of awareness went through him at the sound of her laugh. He never really got over her death and seeing her before him brought it all back. He didn't doubt she felt the same about seeing him.

"Right," he said, clearing his throat. "When will I be able to leave this spacious room?"

A spark flared in her eyes and an answering shock ignited his insides. She smiled and stepped closer to him.

"If it was up to me, I wouldn't even wait for the results," she said, her eyes roaming over his face. "As far as I'm concerned you're Dr. Rodney McKay."

Rodney smirked and folded his arms across his chest in an attempt to keep from grabbing her. "And how did you come to this conclusion?"

"I know him," she said, her eyes wet with unshed tears. "If there's a degree in Rodney McKay, I have it. Your behavior, your words, everything about you tells me you're him. I don't need tests to convince me."

Something in the way she spoke told him she was telling the truth. She believed him. The misgivings and tension that had been building finally faded away. He relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief.

"If you believe me, that's all that really matters," he said, plopping back on the bed. "I suppose I have to wait for the results before I can have anything to eat."

"No," Elizabeth said. "I'll bring you something to eat."

"Wouldn't wait to give anyone a heart attack," he said, rolling his eyes.

"I'll make an announcement over the intercom later," she said, opening the door. "Until then you have to be patient."

He stared up at her through his lashes. "When have I ever been patient?"

"Good point. I'll get you a tray. Are you allergic to citrus?"

He scoffed. "Of course."

She smiled and left the room. The urge to follow her rose inside him, but he pushed it back down. He could wait, bide his time until the results came through.

The big question in the back of his mind, threatening to make itself known was should he find a way back or stay here?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Jennifer read the results twice, considered running the test again, but thought better of it. She knew the outcome would be the same. This was Dr. Rodney McKay. She sighed and turned, nearly running into Sheppard.

"Well?" Sheppard asked, folding his arms across his chest in impatience.

She handed him the piece of paper. "He is who he says he is."

He snatched the paper from her hand and looked at it. She watched his eyes scan then scan again.

"I'm not going to run them again," she said, stepping around him. "He's Dr. Rodney McKay, plain and simple."

"You know what this will do to Elizabeth?" Sheppard asked, his footfalls clomping toward her. "She'll want him to stay. She'll try to pick up her relationship with him as if nothing ever happened."

"You don't know that," Jennifer said, stopping at a patient's bed and checking the vitals.

"I know her." Sheppard turned her to face him.

She saw the worry in his eyes and realized how serious he found this.

"She's mourned him for three years. She might have tried to hide it, but I know better. This is a second chance for her and I know she'll take it."

Jennifer sighed and moved away from the bed to a quieter spot. "Why should we deny her what she wants?"

Sheppard narrowed his eyes. "Because she's going to get her heart broken again. He'll want to go back to his own reality and she'll be right back where she was. I don't want to see that happen which is why I don't want him being around her."

"It's not up to you or anyone, John. She's going to do what she wants whether you like it or not."

"Then I guess we better prepare for the fall out. I better go tell him he can leave the room."

Jennifer watched John leave and sighed. From word of mouth and Elizabeth's own words, she'd learned Elizabeth and Rodney had been in a relationship before the fateful puddle jumper crash. Elizabeth had been devastated to the point where she'd shut herself in her quarters for two weeks. She'd almost been relieved of duty and replaced, but John had convinced Elizabeth she was needed.

_I don't know what I would have done in her place_.

A few hours later, she finished her rounds and headed down to the mess hall for dinner. She stopped short when she saw Rodney standing in line before her. He turned and his blue eyes brightened when he saw her. He smiled and her insides melted.

"Hello," she said, glad her voice didn't crack. "I see they let you out."

Rodney laughed. "You make it sound as if they put me in the brig."

She shrugged suddenly feeling shy. For the past two years all she saw of him was a picture. All she knew about him was from Elizabeth and to a small degree, his team mates. To see him up close and personal set her nerves on edge. She could barely put two words together.

"People are going to freak," she said, picking up a tray to distract her from his blue eyes and listen-to-all-day voice.

"People are freaking now." He placed a plate of steak and green beans on his tray. "Someone fainted when I walked down the hall on my way here."

"My God," she said in shock. "Were they all right?"

He shrugged and grabbed a hand full of grapes. "Someone was there to help her. Besides, seeing someone pass out because of me was a bit much. I made my way here as fast as I could. Then again, people are staring at me in here."

"You have to look at it from their point of view," she said, dropping some strawberries on her plate to join her chicken and rice.

"I know. I've been dead for three years." His voice was full of annoyance. He blinked as if realizing what he said then shook his head. "You know what I mean."

He left the line and headed for a table. Jennifer followed him, drawn to him. She wanted to get to know him more. At least, that's what she told herself when she sat across from him.

He looked at her, his eyebrows shot to his hairline. She smiled and unscrewed the top from her water bottle. She took a long drink, keeping her gaze with his. The smoldering flame in his eyes startled her. She stopped drinking before she swallowed the wrong way. Warmth crawled up her body.

_Where had that come from?_

She slid her gaze away and focused on cutting her chicken. She felt his gaze on her and her face warmed. She placed a piece of chicken in her mouth, savoring the taste.

Rodney stared at her, his breathing quick. She closed her eyes and pulled the fork from her mouth. His heart pounded and his lower regions tightened in response.

_What am I doing? She doesn't know me in this reality! _

To get his mind away from amorous thoughts, he focused on his food. He tore into his steak, trying to ignore the stares around him. It was unnerving and annoying, but he understood. He'd do the same if he were in their place.

_You already have,_ he told himself, remembering how he reacted when he came face to face with Elizabeth only a couple of hours ago. He couldn't get over it and he doubt he'd ever get used to it.

"What's it like in your reality?" Jennifer asked.

Rodney looked at her and saw the curiosity burning in her eyes. She looked so adorable.

"Not much different than yours," he said, swirling the water in the bottle.

"So it's like walking into a mirror world?"

He set the bottle down and sighed. "Almost. We lost our Elizabeth last year."

"I'm so sorry. Seeing her here…"

"Is like her seeing me," he finished, looking at her.

She blushed and looked down at her food.

He cleared his throat and dug into his meal, trying to fight the wild emotions churning inside him. He'd never been so out of his element. Long buried feelings came rushing back to him while at the same time, he felt like he was starting over with another. He had no idea what to do and no idea going about doing it.

"Did you care about her?" Jennifer asked.

Rodney blinked at her. Should he really answer that? Could he answer that? He cleared his throat, warmth flooding his face.

"Yes," he answered softly. "I never got to tell her."

"I'm sure she knew."

He wanted to think that, hoped she knew. Maybe this was why he was here. He'd been given a second chance. The only problem was he loved someone else.

~*~

Rodney stepped into his lab and the noise of conversation stopped immediately. He sighed and stared at all the people taking a gander at him. He folded his arms across his chest and cocked his head to the side.

"Take a good long look, people," he snapped. "You're not seeing a ghost. I'm not a figment of your imagination. I'm real. Now get back to work."

He heard them grumble, but he ignored them. He strode toward the nearest workspace and looked at the computer.

"Don't expect to pick up where you left off," Zelenka said behind him. "This is my lab now."

Rodney barely turned his head to look at him. "Pardon me if I don't want to stay confined to the lovely living space Sheppard provided me."

"I wasn't implying that. What are you doing anyway? Trying to find a way back?"

"Seeing what you've been up to," Rodney answered, keeping his gaze on the computer. It hurt to know he'd been replaced, but at least he knew the lab had been in good hands.

_This isn't my reality. Stop thinking like that_.

He couldn't help thinking it, though. It was the perfect reality. Elizabeth was alive, Carson was still around, and Jennifer was here. What more could he ask for?

"Have you talked to Elizabeth?"

"Yes," he answered, reading through some data. "She's more than surprised to see me."

Radek turned him to face him and he saw concern in the other scientist's eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"She's mourned you for three years," Zelenka said.

"I know." He turned back to the computer, but Radek grabbed his arm and swung him around. He narrowed his eyes at the other man. "What?"

"Don't get her hopes up then dash them. I doubt any of us can withstand the fall out."

"What are you talking about? How am I getting her hopes up?"

Radek shook his head. "For a genius you can be quite dense."

The scientist walked away before Rodney could give him a piece of his mind. He rolled his eyes and focused on the screen. Instead of seeing the data, he saw the emotions rolling in Elizabeth's green eyes. He understood that expression because he felt the same when he saw her. He closed his eyes and sighed.

_I need to talk to her. _

He hurried out of the lab and went in search of Elizabeth.

Rodney found her in her office, reading a tablet. He figured she was reviewing some reports and he would be happy to provide a reprieve from them.

She looked up when he strode in and the way her eyes lit up when she saw him sent soothing warmth flowing through his body. Nervousness came over him and he cleared his throat, stopping before her desk.

She placed the tablet on her desk and leaned forward in her chair. "What brings you here?"

Not knowing what to do with his hands, he placed them behind his back. It had been so long since he'd seen her last, he had no idea what to say to her. He'd never been this awkward before with her. What was wrong with him?

He cleared his throat and leveled his gaze on her. "What was your relationship with your Rodney?"

She stared at him, blinked in surprise. She rolled away from her desk and stood. He watched her, trying to gauze her emotions. She kept her gaze from him. Did he cross the line? Should he apologize and leave?

Elizabeth came around her desk and approached him. She looked up at him and his heart pounded at the lost expression in her eyes.

"I care about him," she said, her voice quiet, but strong. "I loved him more than anything. I tried not to, knowing I was command of this city, but I couldn't hide what I felt."

Rodney looked at his feet, knowing he tread on raw emotions. The problem was, he understood. He knew how she felt, for he'd been in the same boat. The problem was, he never told her how he felt.

"Did he know?"

Elizabeth smiled and went to the window. She folded her arms across her chest. She was silent for several minutes and he wondered if she would answer. He closed the gap between them, the urge to wrap his arms around her pulling at him.

"Yes," she whispered. "We tried to keep our relationship discreet, but everyone knew."

He smiled at the images those words conjured. It didn't take long before everyone knew he was dating Jennifer.

She turned away from the window and faced him. The warmth from her body engulfed him, warming him. He stared into her eyes and saw what could have been. The thought pained him and he grieved for wasted opportunities.

"I've been given a second chance," she whispered, tears lining her eyes. "I don't know if I should take it."

His heart raced and his arms itched to take her in his arms. He'd been given a second chance as well. A chance to tell her what he'd felt all those years ago. What he obviously still felt.

The only problem was he loved Jennifer. He didn't want to betray his feelings for her or hers for him. He didn't want to ruin his first real relationship with someone.

_You had a real relationship with Elizabeth. Granted it wasn't a romantic one, but it was a relationship. _

Confused and frustrated, he stepped away and ran hand through his hair.

"We both have a second chance," he said, not facing her. He didn't want to see the look in her eyes. He didn't trust himself not to hold back. She was right there before him, a chance to do what he'd wanted for years before she'd been taken from him. He could start over. Get it right this time.

"You don't want to take it?" Elizabeth's voice drew closer to him and he tensed. All it would take was her hand on his back and he'd give in.

"We can't," he whispered, his voice cracking.

"You didn't love her?"

Rodney turned his gaze on her and he narrowed his eyes. "How can you think that? Of course, I loved her. She didn't think it was proper for her to be in a relationship with a subordinate."

Elizabeth blinked and he wished he hadn't said anything.

"Didn't you try?"

He scoffed and paced away from her. "She wanted to keep herself at a distance. I always thought it was because she cared too much. I wonder now if she was afraid of her own feelings. I should have confronted her, but now it's too late."

"No, it's not," Elizabeth said. "I'm here now. You're here now. I've missed you so much, it hurt."

She ran her hands up his chest and his heart threatened to burst forth. He inhaled her wonderful smell and realized how much he'd missed it. He closed his eyes, breathing it in. It would be so easy to wrap his arms around her and hold her against him. So easy to kiss her, do what he'd always wanted to if she'd only allowed him.

_Now's your chance. _

Rodney looked down into her eyes and saw her eyes darken with desire. His breathing increased and it took all he had to step away from her.

"What's wrong?" Elizabeth asked, concern and hurt in her voice.

He closed his eyes and tightened his hands into fists. He wanted her so much it was agony. He looked at her, hoping she would understand.

"I'm not your Rodney," he said, his voice choking. "I wish I was."

"What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath and cast a glance at the ceiling. He didn't want to tell her, but she deserved to know.

"In my reality, I'm in a relationship with Dr. Keller."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Elizabeth's heart crashed into her feet. He was in love with someone else and she felt like an idiot for practically throwing herself at him.

"You got over her pretty quickly then." She held onto the anger building within her. Why didn't he tell her before she came on to him?

Rodney scoffed and she narrowed her eyes. He moved away and paced the room. She watched him, desire battling the anger.

"I didn't get over her very fast," he said, his hands flying. "I doubt I ever got over her."

Her heart hammered in her chest and hoped bloomed.

He stopped in front of her, a finger in her face. "It took a year to get over her and even then when I think I'm passed the pain and grief something brings her back along with all the feelings I've ever felt for her."

"Like now." An emotional storm brewed in his blue eyes. Blue eyes she thought she'd never look into again. It brought both pain and hope rushing through her.

She wanted to pull him into her arms and kiss him.

He sighed and stepped away. "Like now."

Rodney stood before the window, looking down into the Gateroom below. He appeared so lost and alone, she wanted to reach out to him and comfort him. The fact he was in love with someone else kept her leaning against her desk.

"I wish I could take away your pain." She strode across the room toward him. "But it'll be like me trying to take my own pain away."

His blue eyes bore into her and her breath caught. So much pain and anguish burning within them tore at her. She did the only thing she could; she wrapped her arms around him and held her against him.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, her own voice cracking with grief.

His arms came around her and his warmth enclosed around her. Tears stung her eyes. Memories of them standing like this flashed before her. To have him here with her, brought so much rushing back. She felt she'd burst from it all. She'd loved him so much the pain of losing him never went away. To have him back was a dream come true and she didn't want to let him go.

The sound of a throat clearing startled her. She spun around, stepping away from Rodney. Sheppard came into the office, eyeing both of them with a raised eyebrow.

"John," Elizabeth cleared her throat. "What can I do for you?"

John looked from Elizabeth to Rodney back to her. A corner of her mouth tilted up and she tried her best to look away before he saw it.

"I was looking for Rodney, but I see this should have been my first place to look."

"If you've given me an earpiece, you wouldn't have had to search the entire city," Rodney said. The tone of his voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Next time, I'll just yell. Over the intercom."

The banter between then two made her heart swell. It seemed like Rodney never left. She caught the underlining suspicion in Sheppard's voice. Apparently, he still didn't trust the scientist.

She sighed. "What did you want to see him for, John?"

He looked at her as if just realizing she was there. She raised an eyebrow, signaling she wanted him to get to the point before she lost her patience.

"I assume you go off world in your reality?" John asked, turning his gaze to Rodney.

Rodney scoffed. "Of course. Did you find something you don't understand?"

"When are we going to run into a nice Rodney McKay?" John looked at her with a long suffering sigh.

"Hey, I can be nice."

"Sure you can." He handed him a headpiece. "Gear up. You're coming with us."

Excitement blazed in his blue eyes. Her heart leaped at the sight. He smiled at her and placed the earpiece in his ear. She watched him leave, her heart going with him.

"Be careful," she called after him.

He turned, his smile bright and full of boyish excitement. "I'm the poster child for careful. See you soon."

~*~

Rodney stepped through the gate, half expecting to wind up back in his own reality. Instead, he found himself in the middle of a frozen wasteland. Wind lashed at his face, chilling him to the bone. He glared at Sheppard, wondering if this was punishment of some sort.

"What the hell is this?"

Snow whipped around him and he wanted to turn around and head back to Atlantis. He didn't care if it wasn't his world. He didn't want to freeze to death.

John shouted over the blizzard. "We found an Ancient device when we last visited this planet. We couldn't get it out."

Rodney stared at him. "Have you tried digging?"

"It wasn't covered in snow," John said, leading the way over the hill. "There was some kind of code you had to crack in order to take it off the pedestal."

"And you couldn't crack it."

"Neither could Zelenka."

"So you think I can."

John shrugged. "It couldn't hurt."

His curiosity was piqued and he forgot about the ice cold temperature around him. "What kind of code is it?"

"Hopefully one you can crack."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "That's so helpful, thanks."

"You're welcome."

He shook his head and focused on keeping himself up right. The snow swallowed his feet and came up to his knees. The cold seeped into his legs and traveled upward. He shivered and pulled his jacket tighter around him. The falling snow made it difficult to see anything in front of him.

The wind threw more snow in his face and he narrowed his eyes. He shouldn't have been so eager to go on this mission. If this was some sick joke, someone was about to get hurt.

"There," Sheppard said.

Rodney barely saw the dark shapes dotting the horizon. They rose up out of the ground to tower above them.

"Finally." He attempted to pick up his pace through the deep snow. He gritted his teeth in frustration and lifted his foot out of the snow then the other.

"You won't complain once we get there."

He snapped his eyes at John, but said nothing. He only hoped that whatever they wanted to show him was worth the agony he'd feel in the morning.

They reached the top of the hill and Rodney stared at the sight before him. It was the remains of a temple. In the center of the ruins stood a stone pedestal. On top of it rested the device they dragged him here to look at.

Slipping his backpack off, he hurried toward it. He placed the pack on the snow covered ground and ran his hand over the device. Instantly, a jolt of electricity shot through him. He cried out and backed away.

"What the hell?" He held his injured hand against his chest.

"We think that's how it defends itself against those that don't know the code," Teyla stated.

"You could have warned me," he snapped.

"You rushed to the pedestal before I could." John shrugged. "Thought you might as well learn the hard way."

Rodney sneered then turned back to the device. He studied it for a moment, letting his brain take over. Ancient writing surrounded the tablet sized device. He placed his hands on his hips to keep from touching the object that called to him. His gaze roamed over the writing, deciphering the words.

"It's a puzzle. I need to press the correct buttons in order to release the device."

"Do you know which ones to press?" John asked beside him.

He looked at the man askance. "Let me see."

His gaze moved to a row of writing above the device. The letters were scrambled, but he knew they spelled out the answer to the riddle around the tablet. He took a deep breath and pressed the button in the left hand corner. He closed his eyes, waiting for the jolt of electricity. When nothing happened he opened his eyes.

"Looks like I was correct." He sighed in relief.

"Keep going."

"No, I thought I'd stop there and go home."

"Someone skipped breakfast."

Rodney rolled his eyes and pressed the next buttons in sequence. Holding his breath, he touched the device. When he wasn't shocked, he lifted the tablet from the slot. He relaxed and closed his eyes.

"I don't believe it," John whispered.

Rodney cocked his head to the side. "Believe it, Sheppard. You're welcome."

Not waiting for a reply, he shoved the device into his backpack and tromped down the hill toward the gate. While he'd been working, he forgot about the cold creeping into his body. Now, the blowing wind blasted into him full force. He shivered, but kept going. The gate wasn't far and he'd be home where it was nice and warm.

Except it wasn't his home. Not really. It was an alternate reality where he'd been dead for three years. Ice filled his stomach and it wasn't from the temperature. If he wasn't careful, he'd forget the truth and end up staying.

He shook his head and focused on putting one foot in front of the other. He wanted to get out of the freezing weather. He'd walk into a Wraith ship if it meant getting out of the cold.

"Hold up there, Speedy," Sheppard shouted at him. "Someone has to dial the gate."

Rodney stopped short and realized he'd almost walked right through the ring. Blinking in astonishment, he turned and walked back to the DHD. He cleared his throat and watched Sheppard dial the address.

The gate activated, its brightness blinding. Wanting to get started on testing the device, he rushed through the gate.

~*~

Jennifer watched Rodney grab a tray and head into the breakfast line. He'd been in Atlantis for two whole days and the only time she'd spent with him had been in the infirmary and lunch after he arrived.

She pushed her fork through her food and sighed. She didn't understand why she was drawn to him. She barely knew him.

"Stop it. He's probably not even interested in you."

"Who's not interested in you?"

Jennifer's gaze shot up to take in Rodney standing before her. Her mouth dropped and her face flamed. She cleared her throat and motioned for him to sit.

"No one." She smiled. "Just random thoughts."

He raised his eyebrows and she felt like an idiot. She sighed and slumped in her chair.

_Wonderful. Way to make a great impression. He probably thinks you have a screw lose. _

"I won't tell anyone you talk to yourself."

She snorted. "Thanks. Don't want them to think the local doctor is a crack pot."

He laughed and a rush of warmth spread through her. She looked down at her breakfast and her stomach flipped. She had no idea what to do or say. She'd heard he was an arrogant, prickly and hot-headed scientist. The person sitting before her wasn't any of those things. Not at the moment anyway.

"I hear you finally retrieved that device they've been trying to get."

He smirked. "It was a scrambled word puzzle. It was easy to figure out. I'm surprised it took them so long."

She smiled and lifted her water bottle to her lips. _So that's what they meant by arrogant. Wonder when we'll get to temperamental?_

"Do you know what it is?"

He bit into his toast and stared at her while he chewed. Heat built within her under his scrutiny. What was he thinking? Was he sizing her up? Did he think she was like the Dr. Keller of his reality?

"We're running tests on it now," he answered after swallowing. "Hopefully we'll get the results before I grow old and die."

She stopped herself before she bathed Rodney in a spray of water. She choked then took a deep breath to stop herself from gagging. She placed the back of her hand over her mouth. She laughed harder when she saw Rodney's raised eyebrow and his eyes roll.

"I'm so glad I could amuse you."

"Admit it, McKay, you enjoy it."

He leveled a glare at her, but it only caused heat to build within her. Not wanting him to see how he affected her, she cleared her throat and looked at her food.

The doors opened and Elizabeth walked into the mess hall. Rodney's heart skipped a beat and warmth flowed through him. She stepped into the line and placed food on her tray.

He remembered what he'd said to her yesterday and the expression on her face still appeared in his mind. He'd hurt her, dashed any hopes she had. He felt awful and wanted to make it up to her.

_If she'll let you. _

She'd taken to avoiding him. At the briefing yesterday, she'd barely looked at him when he told her about the device. It hurt, but he understood. She was hurting as well and probably didn't want to be reminded of what she lost.

"Rodney, you're food's getting cold."

Jennifer's voice brought him back to reality. He turned and dug into his eggs.

"Are you all right?"

He looked up. "What?"

"You were staring at her hard. Is something wrong?"

Rodney sighed and leaned back in his chair. He stared at his tray, trying to form his thoughts into words.

"I told her yesterday that I couldn't start a relationship with her."

"Oh, Rodney."

He closed his eyes, the pain rising within him. The agony in Elizabeth's green eyes flashed before him. He'd never seen so much pain in one person's eyes before. Not even his own.

"Maybe I should find a way back to my universe. It'd hurt a lot less."


End file.
